Out of my comfort zone

12 February 2011 § 8 Comments

I can’t see
what you              see in me
another’s arms                         holding you      
the two of us                                       drowsy in a hotel
where we go                                  from this point
and definitely                absolutely not
hot tears             in your eyes
and that is why
I can’t see
you

any

more.

 

Thanks to Kiersty Boon and her brilliant sequence of Valentines for inspiring me to try something different. I guess on some levels it’s still a Nature poem, though…

 

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§ 8 Responses to Out of my comfort zone

  • slpmartin says:

    Wow…your writing skills continue to amaze me.

    • gonecycling says:

      Thank you, Charles – it was a bit of a leap of faith to post this one, because I wasn’t really sure where it came from. One of those pieces that just had to be written, I guess. I really appreciate the vote of confidence. Thank you.

  • belfastdavid says:

    Oh, that’s lovely.

    The romantic in me is delighted 🙂

    David

    • gonecycling says:

      Thank you for your generous words, David – the romantic in me is still reeling from the shock of being allowed out to play for once, while the aspiring writer in me is delighted that you like it! Have a great day, my friend.

  • Narnie says:

    The two seperated and then joining into one, alone. Very clever. I love these shaped poems and I’ve never been able to do one. Love, love, love… is it really all we need? Thank you so much for your support on my own valentine series. To be honest, it’s been a labour of love (groan) but I’m nearly there.

  • gonecycling says:

    What a lovely and generous reponse; thank you. I owe it all to you, really – reading your Valentines made me want to step outside my usual ‘observational’ oeuvre and try reaching for something a bit deeper. Really glad you think it works.

  • Brendan says:

    Shaped poems like this usually are more work to read, and thus overbear the words. This one shapes the words’ sentiment nicely, though. Tying the absence of tears to absence was a nice trope.

  • gonecycling says:

    Thanks, Brendan – as I said in response to Charles’ comment, this poem was a real leap of faith for me, both in terms of its structure and its material. Really good to have another positive reaction; I might even try writing another one about about love one day…many thanks for your comment, it’s much appreciated.

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